Recently I was invited by an insurance company to give a talk on “Recharge Your Sex Life” to their top agents at their annual convention. The event was held at the famous Tanjung Ara Beach Resort in Kota Kinabalu. Since it was during the school holidays, I took my family along for a holiday too. It was an enjoyable break for everyone.

The resort had a fantastic program for my two younger children, as they spent one whole day learning drama, and painting themselves for a full make-up and costume play which they presented to the families on the same night.

The elder children went cycling, and there were other activities to keep them busy too. My wife had a relaxing time as our room faced the sea, with beautiful islands visible not far away. It was a view right out of the advertisement page. It has a private beach for swimmers too. If you want to relax, this is the place.

And me? I just love to talk about sex. So it was an enjoyable holiday where I got to talk for hours about sex, and got paid for it! Let me share some of the stuff that I taught those hard-working insurance agents.


First, if you are a man, and you are not thinking about sex all the time, it means that you do not have enough testosterone, the main male sex hormone. It does not mean that you must be having sex all the time, but if you’re not thinking about it often, you are also less likely to want it. And if you do not have early morning erections anymore ( young men always have such erections even when they are not thinking of sex ), it means your testosterone levels are very low.

Men suffer sexual problems much earlier than women, because the decline of testosterone starts in his 20’s, such that by age 40, about a third of men have a significant decline in the hormone, and by age 50, more than half are testosterone-deficient. Andropause ( or male menopause ) generally happens at about age 50 ( same as menopause in women ), and is associated with erectile dysfunction ( inability to achieve satisfactory penile erection ), memory loss, emotional and relationship problems, and even osteoporosis.

Tests on about 50 of our local doctors ( age 40-60 ) attending a sexual health seminar 3 years ago showed that two-thirds were testosterone-deficient, and one-third had excess estrogen ( female sex hormone ).

In the past, it was thought that andropause was a myth, as tests on testosterone showed no significant decline with age. Now we know that it is the free testosterone ( the unbound, active portion ) that declines. So if you ask your doctor for the test, make sure it is for free-testosterone.

Women also depend on testosterone for their libido ( apart from its effect in strengthening bones and firming muscles, etc. ). So when a woman lacks sexual desire, taking low-dose testosterone can do wonders. Testosterone works best when there is sufficient estrogen, so in menopausal women, we need to correct the estrogen first, and then give testosterone. There are also HRT ( female hormone replacement therapy ) formulations that have inherent libido-enhancing effects. If a woman is also thinking of sex all the time, she must be having sufficient testosterone. However, it is possible to have excess testosterone. I had a patient with long-standing testosterone excess who was sex-crazed, and had clitoral enlargement due to the excess hormone.

Understanding hormones makes it possible to reject the old notion that you are expected to “slow down” in the sex arena as you age. If you are slowing down, it just means you are not healthy.

Apart from having sufficient sex hormones, for good sexual health, we also need sufficient growth hormone ( HGH ) and several pro-hormones ( hormone precursors ). We also need sufficient supply of nitric oxide, the miracle messenger molecule that causes our blood vessels to dilate ( very important for penile erections, and for healthy hearts ). We have to develop sufficient body strength and stamina. Most of the men who do not take care of their health will realize that by age 40, even if they are able to have erections, they cannot perform well anymore, and leave their wives or partners frustrated. If they are diabetic, it is worse.


For good sex, we also need plenty of qi ( life-force ) because sexual energy is qi. Those who practice yoga, taichi or qigong will find that their sexual stamina will remain into ripe old age. Qigong practitioners should expect to have early morning erections right past their 50’s. There are special exercises for sexual health, and those who are consistent with the practice can expect to have a healthy sexual life just like the good old days when they first got married.

I must stress that it takes regular, consistent practise to start feeling the benefits of qigong. When it comes to the Secret Treasures of Qigong, which includes most of the exercises for sexual prowess, it is more so. Those who learn the techniques but do not practise as regularly as they should will be disappointed. But if they do it often, they will make themselves and their partners smile for life!

For more on how to improve your sexual energy through qigong, please refer to The Secrets of Qigong ( )


The last global sex survey (2005), done in 41 countries showed that Malaysians ranked an embarrassing 36th position in terms of frequency of sex. The most sexually active were the Greeks, who dethroned the French, at 138 times ( a year ). The Americans (USA) were at 11th with 113. Nine of the bottom ten were Asians. Even the Thais, who we thought have sex as a national past-time, logged in at 31st, with only 97. Malaysians had sex only 83 times per year, way below the world average of 103, but we were ahead of Singaporeans (73) and far ahead of the Japanese (only 45).

A survey in 2000 revealed that about 45% of Malaysians aged 40 and above had erectile dysfunction. Sometime later, the then Health Minister revealed that Malaysians were the highest per capita consumer of Viagra in the world! Which goes to show that when it comes to performing in the bedroom, Malaysian men “tak boleh” ( cannot perform ) and many have to depend on Viagra or similar drugs. Because diabetes is also becoming a national problem, the trend will get worse.

Now you will understand the Malaysian men’s reason for always shouting “Malaysia Boleh” wherever they go. This is a positive psychological affirmation against their “tak boleh” problem in bed.

The survey showed that men had more sex than women ( 104 versus 101 ), although in the previous year, the women outdid the men. The most sexually active were those between 35 and 44. However, for those who do not take care of their health, there will be a drastic decline after 45. Twenty per cent had sex 3-4 times a week ( which also qualifies as aerobics exercise ), while 5% had sex everyday ( which qualifies for a gold medal from me ).


The Japanese have consistently maintained the bottom position, having sex a paltry 45 times a year, about 1/3 that of the Greeks. Through a Japanese friend, I began to understand the Japanese culture and am now not surprised at the statistics. For many Japanese, they are sexually active as youngsters and have premarital sex. After marriage, the good sex life continues, but things abruptly change after the birth of the first child. It is not uncommon for the couple to continue living together in a sexless marriage, or if at all, only occasionally have sex, especially if they want more children. They may even sleep in separate rooms. The husband often satisfies his sexual needs outside the home, and all this with implicit consent of the wife.

But if we look into their history, they seemed to have enjoyed sex much more. There are famous Japanese paintings of courtesans copulating, and the warlords were famous for their sexual conquests as much as their military ones. All the disciplines and martial arts exercises mastered by the samurai and ninjas would have made them saturated with qi, and hence made them also sexually active. With their fitness and acrobatic abilities, we may wonder what exciting sex they must have had!

I was shocked to hear about the modern-day Japanese culture, and I hope this will not become the norm for us too. There are many unhealthy trends creeping into our lifestyle, some of which are damaging to our health, and to our families.

The Hong Kong people, for example, have consistently said that they are too busy making money to have sex. They are also always near the bottom of the sex survey list.

Now that the cost of living is getting higher each day, with petrol price jumping to scary levels, many Malaysians have resorted to working longer hours to make ends meet. In many families, both the husband and the wife work, leaving the children unattended, or under the care of maids. The breakdown in family values is noticeable, as youngsters are heavily influenced by the cultures promoted by the western media ( especially TV programs ) and the parents not instilling our own values enough.

The parents should spend more time at home, not only for the children, but also for their own sake. They should also enjoy sex more so that we Malaysians can beat the Greeks and one day stand up tall and shout “Malaysia Boleh!”. But I guess that will have to wait until the World Cup is over. Is anyone having sex at all in the last three weeks?


Dr Amir Farid Isahak
Categories: Uncategorized

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